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What Is Antifa™?
What Is Antifa™?
Antifa is a vast, uncoordinated network of baristas, librarians, and people with nose rings who would like their wants and needs represented in their government.
Who Runs Antifa™?
Who Runs Antifa™?
Nobody.
That’s the point.
It’s like jazz—improvised, chaotic, and somehow still accused of marginalizing white people.
Is Antifa™ Funded By Anyone?
Is Antifa™ Funded By Anyone?
Yes.
Every member funds themselves by working part-time at a co-op café and occasionally selling enamel pins online.
How do I join Antifa™?
How do I join Antifa™?
Simply say “Black coffee, please” at any independent café and the barista will slide you a secret envelope.
Or, you know, just oppose fascism. That works too.
What’s The Dress Code?
What’s The Dress Code?
All black everything.
It’s slimming, practical, and hides coffee stains from late-night strategy meetings that don’t actually happen.
Alternatively you may wear an inflatable frog costume or whatever the hell you want.
Do You Hate America?
Do You Hate America?
Only the fascist bits.
So, like, maybe half? But we’re working on it.
Is Antifa™ Planning To Overthrow The Government?
Is Antifa™ Planning To Overthrow The Government?
No. We thought about it, but the government did it first.
What’s Your Stance On Capitalism?
What’s Your Stance On Capitalism?
We’d like to gently set it on fire and replace it with something cooperative that still lets us buy novelty socks online.
Are Dogs Welcome?
Are Dogs Welcome?
Absolutely. All dogs are comrades.
Cats are also welcome, however, they are known anarchists and are unlikely to take instruction.
How Do I Know If I’m In Antifa™?
How Do I Know If I’m In Antifa™?
Have you ever thought, “Hey, maybe Nazis are bad"?
Congratulations. You’re in.
Your membership card will arrive once we finally set up our Stamps.com account.
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